Speaking the Nations Mind

Bury The Past By Tope Orogun


A lot is going wrong in today’s relationships. Ask me why? Well, when you will not put your past behind you for good and charge toward the light which is the present, it will continue to haunt you.

The general saying is ‘my past is my past, it doesn’t have anything to do with my present and there is no need to discuss it with my boo’, yes, you are right but only if you let it be. Many atimes coming round with it helps a lot especially for those attached in a way with their ex. By attached, I mean if whatever happens then has a negative effect on your present relationship then the best approach is to talk about it with your boo.

Yes, it maybe hard to open up on stuffs like this but its needed for your healing unless you are one of those who cling to the past and always wish your present boo is like your ex.

A friend of mine, Jonathan Adu wrote something on his wall that triggered an epiphany. He did posit that “ex are so powerful that they can scatter your life within a second.” I align with his position because it is true. Until you totally bury the emotion, attachment and whatever you have for them, they will always rule and ruin your present.

You are just longing for nothing. Its a mirage and all you will grab is just the air. If they come back it will be to taunt and haunt you. Don’t do it. Don’t fall so low. Don’t let them ruin the happiness you’ve found. Its not worth it. What broke your heart the first time is around the corner to, but again. Be watchful and don’t be tempted.

Aptly, Jonathan surmised that “an ex can destroy what you build for years. An ex can make your life miserable and curse the day you were born. An ex can make you lose what you cherish most in your life.

I always get annoyed anytime an engaged woman or a married woman tells me that her ex is disturbing her and she didn’t know what to do and she cant also tell her man because it is unheard of. Some will even say they can handle it until there is no remedy for the havoc caused.

Wait, let me start from the unheard of. What is unheard of if you tell your husband/wife or fiance/ fiancée that your ex is still disturbing you and want you to leave your him/her for them or have sexual relationship with them? Is it a new thing that people always have ex before getting married or which stupid man is expecting himself to be the first man his wife will date in her life? Am not saying it is not possible, it is very very, possible but if you meet such person, it’s either she is too ugly, no man is living where she was before, still very young like 12 or 15yrs old, has a problem in her life, too selective or has no manner at all. Anyway, that’s not what I want to talk about this morning.

Back to our discussion, every man expects his wife to have an ex, so if you tell him, it is a stale news. So saying, telling your man that your ex is still disturbing you will scatter your home is a stupid saying. Telling him will save you from a lot of problems, it will even make him trust and appreciate you more but hiding such from him will cause an havoc in your marriage. He will think not telling him is you saying indirectly that you can accept your ex proposal of leaving him and go back to your ex.

Let’s even look at it from this angle again. Yoruba people will say “afeni niyawo o le foju re woni”. Your ex will never wish your husband well and he may kill him if he has the chance. So hiding such from your husband will give your ex power because he will be thinking that since you didn’t tell your husband, you can still consider him and he will be plotting evil against your husband. Telling your husband about the situation will make him know all the necessary steps to take to solve the problem.

If you did not carry your husband along in the case and he later finds out and your ex eventually put everything on your head, you may be a goner for life in that marriage and believe me, that your ex wont accept you that time cos he will think you see him as an option when everything has scatter and you have no alternative.

If you are in that shoe right now or maybe find yourself in such later, don’t be stupid, saying it is not appropriate for your husband to know, in fact he is the first person that must know about it so as to save your marriage. Let him even know the guy/man so as to be very careful if they cross path.

Keeping such secret from your husband will do no good to your marriage but rather harm it except you’re also interested in having a secret affair with him.

A lot of exs have scattered happy homes all in the name of I want her back, please don’t be a victim.”