Dear Manchester City, it would’ve been a colossal embarrassment if you didn’t retain the Premier League title. With Pep Guardiola, one of the best coaches in the modern game leading one of the richest assemblages of talent, backed by a bottomless bank account, anything less than victory would be laughable.
In acknowledging your victory, however, I would like to especially shout out the new hero of the English game: THE VIDEO ASSISTANT REFEREE (VAR), but I will refrain from talking about those 115 PENDING CHARGES OF FINANCIAL MISCONDUCT – after all, who am I to speak of it when THE ENGLISH FA HAS CHOSEN TO SEE NO EVIL AND SPEAK NO EVIL?
So congratulations to Pep Guardiola for continued success with top, rich clubs, and congratulations to Manchester City for an unprecedented fourth in succession; albeit, FRAUDULENTLY ACHIEVED.
Dear Arsenal, kudos! Mikel Arteta, you have my sincere respect for your project in progress – a youthful squad brimming with promise. Well done for pushing Manchester City down to the wire, and giving them a good run when every other team fell short. If you keep up this trajectory, the glory days aren’t far off. But as always, you guys merely lived up to the expectations, as it ended – unsurprisingly – in another stillbirth.
So to my dear Arsenal fans, your beloved club failed to win the Premier League yet again; have you ever thought you might be jinxing your team? Open your Bibles to James 4:6-7.
With the level of noise and unfounded arrogance you exhibit when you HAVEN’T WON THE PREMIER LEAGUE IN 20 YEARS and NEVER WON THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE, I shudder to think about what will happen if you ever do. EVEN AFTER FAILING YESTERDAY, YOU ARE STILL MAKING THE MOST NOISE!
My humble advice: tone it down a bit. Or, if humility isn’t your cup of tea, at least temper your expectations for the sake of your sanity. Your blood pressure will thank you.
Best regards,
poiƨon
A Griefing Manchester United fan and Humble Observer of the Beautiful Game
